Stephan Paddock ended my life as I knew it.
Y’all who were around know the story. Those who weren’t, I’m not sure I can rehash it but, in very short version, my significant other at the time was caught up in the chaos after the shootings in Vegas, though not in the shootings themselves and it triggered his PTSD/BPD and escalated his abusive behaviors from manipulation and control into physical intimidation, verbal and financial abuse, and violence.
After almost four years together, we broke up two months after the shootings.
And cool. Like that needed to happen and I’m grateful I didn’t stay trapped in that low level controlling crap any longer than I did so I’m
glad it got triggered and he blew up while we could still split without too much legal entanglement. His trigger was the shooting but his refusal to seek help and instead give into cruelty is on him.
...
That said, the investigation on the Las Vegas shooting wrapped up this week and it has me shaken.
The determination? No motive. No reason.
Stephen Paddock killed 58 innocent people, injured hundreds, traumatized thousands, and passed down that trauma to tens of thousands of families, like mine (and ones much worse off) for what the FBI called, “no clear reason.”
And that burns me up.
Because I know the reason.
We *all know* the reason.
All those years of toxic masculinity he’d gotten to live, being an ass, gambling, being white and male and rich, abusing women, being a right wing conspiracy nut, and wallowing in the power of that.
But, life takes a toll and money runs out and you get older....
So he used the ability he had to escalate his power to the highest level it had even been because he had the weapons to kill massive numbers of people who couldn’t see him, couldn’t fight back, and couldn’t do anything but die.
What a rush, right?
Who would Stephen Paddock have been without 15 assault rifles? Probably a guy who beat up sex workers and drank himself to death. A real loser and horrible human.
But *with* 15 assault rifles Stephen Paddock became a god, in life and in death.
He was the god of my house for months. He is still the God of many families. He will be the ghost, the devil, the demon, and the titan ransacking people’s minds and relationships for the next 50 years.
It’s a big promotion from alcohol poisoning on the couch. And he knew it would be.
Stephen Paddock’s motive was not why.
It was the what.
His motive was the weapon. The weapon that tore down 10,000 homes. Stephen Paddock became a human nuclear bomb because of what he owned.
The guns are why. The firepower of a dozen men in a single set of hands.
That’s all it takes to make a coward into a diety of destruction and people like him, will use it.
And the FBI will say. “We don’t know why” because we all, already knew why.
The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.
Y’all who were around know the story. Those who weren’t, I’m not sure I can rehash it but, in very short version, my significant other at the time was caught up in the chaos after the shootings in Vegas, though not in the shootings themselves and it triggered his PTSD/BPD and escalated his abusive behaviors from manipulation and control into physical intimidation, verbal and financial abuse, and violence.
After almost four years together, we broke up two months after the shootings.
And cool. Like that needed to happen and I’m grateful I didn’t stay trapped in that low level controlling crap any longer than I did so I’m
glad it got triggered and he blew up while we could still split without too much legal entanglement. His trigger was the shooting but his refusal to seek help and instead give into cruelty is on him.
...
That said, the investigation on the Las Vegas shooting wrapped up this week and it has me shaken.
The determination? No motive. No reason.
Stephen Paddock killed 58 innocent people, injured hundreds, traumatized thousands, and passed down that trauma to tens of thousands of families, like mine (and ones much worse off) for what the FBI called, “no clear reason.”
And that burns me up.
Because I know the reason.
We *all know* the reason.
All those years of toxic masculinity he’d gotten to live, being an ass, gambling, being white and male and rich, abusing women, being a right wing conspiracy nut, and wallowing in the power of that.
But, life takes a toll and money runs out and you get older....
So he used the ability he had to escalate his power to the highest level it had even been because he had the weapons to kill massive numbers of people who couldn’t see him, couldn’t fight back, and couldn’t do anything but die.
What a rush, right?
Who would Stephen Paddock have been without 15 assault rifles? Probably a guy who beat up sex workers and drank himself to death. A real loser and horrible human.
But *with* 15 assault rifles Stephen Paddock became a god, in life and in death.
He was the god of my house for months. He is still the God of many families. He will be the ghost, the devil, the demon, and the titan ransacking people’s minds and relationships for the next 50 years.
It’s a big promotion from alcohol poisoning on the couch. And he knew it would be.
Stephen Paddock’s motive was not why.
It was the what.
His motive was the weapon. The weapon that tore down 10,000 homes. Stephen Paddock became a human nuclear bomb because of what he owned.
The guns are why. The firepower of a dozen men in a single set of hands.
That’s all it takes to make a coward into a diety of destruction and people like him, will use it.
And the FBI will say. “We don’t know why” because we all, already knew why.
The blade itself incites to deeds of violence.
Excellent points. Until we address the deadly combination of guns and toxic masculinity, we will continue to see more senseless killings.
ReplyDelete