I’m an eternal optimist with a generally good attitude. I fear for the future sometimes and don’t trust my luck, but all in all, i do my job and don’t worry about whether I “like it” or not, focus on what ai can get done, try to appreciate the little moments, and am generally in a half smiley state anytime I’m not in searing pain. I developed this by the way from small childhood, on really bad days, surgery days or whatever, I had a little prayer that just went, “i want to get through today and back to any normal day. Not a special day or a great day, just a normal day where everything is, just, ok.” So anyway, i suppose having said that little prayer a hundred times or more now, “what i wouldn’t give for this to be just a normal day!” I am pretty focused on appreciating those normal days. At any moment of any day someone is desperately wishing to have your boring ass day or one like it. So all that said, the great curse of optimism and a happy set point, it that pe
Posts
- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
Several people have asked to share this comment I made so I’m Making it a post; On vaccines; Vaccine conspiracies, like all conspiracies, are an effort on our part to grab onto something controllable. We don’t want our kids to end up with some learning disability or medical issue or autism. But by and large these things are genetic and environmental and out of our control and just *happen* no matter how much we love our kids. We see it every day; a kid struggling with autism, or suddenly getting cancer, or some mysterious illness. And it’s so unfair and scary! But we don’t see measles and rubella and pertussis every day. In fact, I’ve never known a child who got any of those my whole life! So we have a visible enemy; autism, cancer, mystery and danger And one that doesn’t even seem real; “measles” “mumphs” “pertussis.” I mean, they are just boogeymen to me. At 42, never seen any of them! So what if i had control to stop those visible enemies that I see and am
- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
So many people called me “healthy” when I was starving myself and popping handfuls of sedatives to survive overwhelming grief. I was running so much i was ripping the tendons off the bones in my leg and drowning in pain pills to knock back the pain so I could run more. Oh. And i was literally bleeding to death. “You look so fit!” “Look at how healthy you’re getting!” “You look the best you ever have! You must be making good food choices.” All I ate was rice krispy treats and Dr. Pepper and only those because One of my friends begged me every day to eat *something.* My blood pressure dropped. My doctor was impressed. Never mind that I had no blood and wasn’t functioning as a human. But hey! “Look at the scale. Look at all the pretty numbers! Wonder why your kidneys are low functioning? Oh well you’re really thin. You must be healthy!” I’m wracked with guilt for gaining weight after I met my fiancé. i feel like I betrayed him by not continuing to starve to look “healthy.” He
- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
Stephan Paddock ended my life as I knew it. Y’all who were around know the story. Those who weren’t, I’m not sure I can rehash it but, in very short version, my significant other at the time was caught up in the chaos after the shootings in Vegas, though not in the shootings themselves and it triggered his PTSD/BPD and escalated his abusive behaviors from manipulation and control into physical intimidation, verbal and financial abuse, and violence. After almost four years together, we broke up two months after the shootings. And cool. Like that needed to happen and I’m grateful I didn’t stay trapped in that low level controlling crap any longer than I did so I’m glad it got triggered and he blew up while we could still split without too much legal entanglement. His trigger was the shooting but his refusal to seek help and instead give into cruelty is on him. ... That said, the investigation on the Las Vegas shooting wrapped up this week and it has me shaken. The determinati